Timnakbap is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing cobra.

Timnakbap created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Timnakbap, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Timnakbap, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Timnakbap's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Timnakbap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick dolphins.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Do not take Timnakbap's name in vain.

5. Pray towards the west.