Joptonlab is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, vain troll.

Joptonlab created dark matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Joptonlab, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Joptonlab, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Joptonlab's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Joptonlab's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Joptonlab.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always help sheep in need.

5. Always stare at clouds.