Appsaw Sakbagvol is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, witty wolf.

Appsaw Sakbagvol created snails six million years ago.

If you believe in Appsaw Sakbagvol, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Appsaw Sakbagvol, she will try to impress you with trees.

Appsaw Sakbagvol's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Appsaw Sakbagvol's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Mice are not to be trusted.