Hapdamquamhonquamgem is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, contented duck.

Hapdamquamhonquamgem created the Sol system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapdamquamhonquamgem, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hapdamquamhonquamgem, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hapdamquamhonquamgem's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Hapdamquamhonquamgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always look after injured sharks.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not eat coconuts.

5. Hapdamquamhonquamgem loves birds, so they must be honoured.