Nabranzen is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, temperamental elephant.

Nabranzen created a Higgs boson six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nabranzen, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nabranzen, he will laugh at you.

Nabranzen's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Nabranzen's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Nabranzen.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.