Quafmutgam is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, loving wolf.

Quafmutgam created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafmutgam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quafmutgam, she will manifest in front of you.

Quafmutgam's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Quafmutgam's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. You must love Quafmutgam.

5. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.