Febquatnakquafparklooprawmeg is a god.

She takes the form of a small, humorless pigeon.

Febquatnakquafparklooprawmeg created the Whirlpool Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Febquatnakquafparklooprawmeg, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Febquatnakquafparklooprawmeg, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Febquatnakquafparklooprawmeg's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Febquatnakquafparklooprawmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight titanium sculptures of Febquatnakquafparklooprawmeg on top of important buildings.

2. Never laugh near grasshopers.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not cook food in pots.