Vigtanfud is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, humorless guinea pig.

Vigtanfud created everything that exists four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vigtanfud, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vigtanfud, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vigtanfud's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Vigtanfud's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tortoises in need.

2. Never mention pigs.

3. Always wear red.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vigtanfud.