Garhonquim is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, fussy snail.

Garhonquim created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Garhonquim, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Garhonquim, he will not care.

Garhonquim's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Garhonquim's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four cats approach from the west.

2. Do not wear magenta clothing.

3. You must pray to Garhonquim three times a day.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Garhonquim loves doves, so they must be honoured.