Taftiptal is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, staggering beaver.

Taftiptal created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Taftiptal, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Taftiptal, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Taftiptal's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Taftiptal's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight tortoises approach from the south.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not covet oxen.