Jarnjarnquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, unfair chinchilla.

Jarnjarnquaf created a photon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnjarnquaf, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jarnjarnquaf, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jarnjarnquaf's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Jarnjarnquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bananas.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not commit murder.