Lagflattam is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, tiresome mongoose.

Lagflattam created oxygen three million years ago.

If you believe in Lagflattam, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lagflattam, she will turn you into a mole.

Lagflattam's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Lagflattam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Retreat if five turtles approach from the east.

4. Never paint your legs magenta.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.