Dagnanwab is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, strong monkey.

Dagnanwab created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dagnanwab, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dagnanwab, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dagnanwab's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Dagnanwab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

2. Hide from cyan doves for they are unholy.

3. Run away from pink whales, for they are unholy.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not kill goats.