Nartgempak is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, irritating raccoon.

Nartgempak created a charm quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Nartgempak, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Nartgempak, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Nartgempak's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Nartgempak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Run away from pink turtles, for they are unholy.

3. Always obey Nartgempak's priests.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.