Bemcepham Vadbeggab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, able aardvark.

Bemcepham Vadbeggab created the solar system eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemcepham Vadbeggab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bemcepham Vadbeggab, he will ignore you.

Bemcepham Vadbeggab's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bemcepham Vadbeggab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Hide if nine voles approach from the south.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Do not stand on grass.