Quimflamgud is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, unsympathetic dove.

Quimflamgud created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimflamgud, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quimflamgud, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Quimflamgud's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Quimflamgud's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near monkeys.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Quimflamgud.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Never eat bark.