Gublanbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, selfish shrew.

Gublanbaf created carbon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gublanbaf, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gublanbaf, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Gublanbaf's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gublanbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about nuts.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

4. Always help sick whales.

5. Always help horses in need.