Bigcembus is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unsympathetic zebra.

Bigcembus created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bigcembus, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bigcembus, he will be mildly annoyed.

Bigcembus' most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Bigcembus' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always look after injured frogs.

4. Do not eat tomatoes.

5. Do not cook food in pots.