Jamcutgem is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish bird.

Jamcutgem created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jamcutgem, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jamcutgem, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Jamcutgem's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Jamcutgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Run away if nine bats approach from the east.

3. Never eat pineapples.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jamcutgem.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.