Zenkanwan is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, narcissistic toad.

Zenkanwan created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenkanwan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zenkanwan, he will think nothing of it.

Zenkanwan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Zenkanwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about asteroids.

3. Retreat if nine sheep approach from the south.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Run away if six gulls approach from the north.