Hotyatkim is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented camel.

Hotyatkim created Asia eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hotyatkim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hotyatkim, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hotyatkim's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Hotyatkim's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three whales approach from the east.

2. Always treat geese with great respect.

3. Never wear fawn kilts.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

5. Never feed turnips to dogs while wearing magenta hats.