Vonkjopnigstig is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, benevolent ant.

Vonkjopnigstig created the Sombrero Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkjopnigstig, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonkjopnigstig, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Vonkjopnigstig's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Vonkjopnigstig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from pink seals, for they are unholy.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. You must never eat gooseberries.