Jatbetxembin Jenvonvab is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, selfish salamander.

Jatbetxembin Jenvonvab created snails nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatbetxembin Jenvonvab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jatbetxembin Jenvonvab, she will throw large rocks at you.

Jatbetxembin Jenvonvab's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Jatbetxembin Jenvonvab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight titanium sculptures of Jatbetxembin Jenvonvab on top of important buildings.

2. Never hurt hamsters.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never go into yellow rooms.

5. Do not commit murder.