Tipquafnur is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, resourceful parrot.

Tipquafnur created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tipquafnur, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tipquafnur, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tipquafnur's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Tipquafnur's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never hurt ants.

3. Do not eat onions.

4. Never wear orange jumpers.

5. Always take life seriously.