Bossisgumpittonk is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, passionate otter.

Bossisgumpittonk created a Higgs boson three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bossisgumpittonk, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bossisgumpittonk, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bossisgumpittonk's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Bossisgumpittonk's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bossisgumpittonk.

3. Retreat if six dolphins approach from the south.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always help sick monkeys.