Kempakyat is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, caring cow.

Kempakyat created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kempakyat, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kempakyat, it will destroy your favourite star.

Kempakyat's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Kempakyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt gulls.

2. Never wear scarves.

3. Hide if eight badgers approach from the north.

4. Always help goats.

5. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.