Fattamfab is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, passionate faun.

Fattamfab created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fattamfab, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fattamfab, it will destroy your favourite star.

Fattamfab's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Fattamfab's Holy Commandments

1. Ducks are not to be trusted.

2. Never think ill of sick doves.

3. Never talk about stars.

4. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

5. You must pray to Fattamfab nine times a day.