Quimsoggep is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, uncaring guinea pig.

Quimsoggep created the Large Magellanic Cloud two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimsoggep, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quimsoggep, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quimsoggep's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Quimsoggep's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Do not hurt bats.

3. Always help sick seals.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not kill geese.