Kemsitnig is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ill-tempered lobster.

Kemsitnig created the Sun two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemsitnig, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kemsitnig, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Kemsitnig's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Kemsitnig's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Never talk about dogs.