Negwanjen is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, uncaring meerkat.

Negwanjen created the planet Venus three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Negwanjen, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Negwanjen, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Negwanjen's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Negwanjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always treat sharks with great respect.