Nabjopnig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tiresome scorpion.

Nabjopnig created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nabjopnig, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Nabjopnig, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nabjopnig's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Nabjopnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat apples.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

4. Never bounce in the presence of grasshopers.

5. Feed all hungry manatees.