Cabtapfem is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, pitiless raccoon.

Cabtapfem created snails nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cabtapfem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cabtapfem, he will cry a lot.

Cabtapfem's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Cabtapfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not eat garlic.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.