Bigmumgar is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, selfish slug.

Bigmumgar created a charm quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigmumgar, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bigmumgar, she will turn you into a rock.

Bigmumgar's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Bigmumgar's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bigmumgar.

2. Hide from brown goats for they are unholy.

3. Always help rats in need.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not cook food in pots.