Gontenbum is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, idiotic zebra.

Gontenbum created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gontenbum, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gontenbum, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gontenbum's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Gontenbum's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not take Gontenbum's name in vain.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Run away if five snails approach from the west.