Vonktomlarg is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, confident donkey.

Vonktomlarg created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonktomlarg, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vonktomlarg, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vonktomlarg's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Vonktomlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Do not speak about apples.

4. Always help foxes in need.

5. Feed all hungry seals.