Ponranfasjan is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, amazing gorilla.

Ponranfasjan created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ponranfasjan, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ponranfasjan, he will try to impress you with trees.

Ponranfasjan's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Ponranfasjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Ponranfasjan loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not drink alcohol.