Futmet is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, wise skunk.

Futmet created the planet Mars four million years ago.

If you believe in Futmet, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Futmet, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Futmet's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Futmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest turquoise.

2. You must never eat garlic.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never bounce near mice.

5. Always help voles in need.