Naksignib Lapfedmil is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, self-confident tapir.

Naksignib Lapfedmil created the universe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Naksignib Lapfedmil, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Naksignib Lapfedmil, she will jump up and down on your head.

Naksignib Lapfedmil's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Naksignib Lapfedmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always obey Naksignib Lapfedmil's priests.

5. Never go into red rooms.