Gumhinlak is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, self-assured newt.

Gumhinlak created viruses four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumhinlak, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gumhinlak, it will ignore you.

Gumhinlak's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Gumhinlak's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Gumhinlak loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.