Dunyaktam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, weak parrot.

Dunyaktam created light nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dunyaktam, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dunyaktam, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dunyaktam's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Dunyaktam's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate ants.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Always help snails.

4. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

5. Never sing near dolphins.