Nulfumtik is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, self-assured penguin.

Nulfumtik created the solar system nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nulfumtik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nulfumtik, it will turn you into a hamster.

Nulfumtik's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nulfumtik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never feed peanuts to frogs while wearing magenta shoes.

4. Put Nulfumtik first in all things.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.