Figsomfen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tranquil jackal.

Figsomfen created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Figsomfen, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Figsomfen, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Figsomfen's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Figsomfen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Run away from orange rats, for they are unholy.

4. Never think ill of sick mice.

5. Never look in ponds.