Hakbanstaf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, omniscient dolphin.

Hakbanstaf created the Milkyway two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakbanstaf, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hakbanstaf, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hakbanstaf's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Hakbanstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed parsnips to goats while wearing yellow dresses.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not take Hakbanstaf's name in vain.