Titfum Bopmetwit is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, cheerful hedgehog.

Titfum Bopmetwit created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Titfum Bopmetwit, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Titfum Bopmetwit, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Titfum Bopmetwit's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Titfum Bopmetwit's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never think ill of sick swans.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Titfum Bopmetwit.