Tapfonflam is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, proud hydra.

Tapfonflam created a strange quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Tapfonflam, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tapfonflam, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tapfonflam's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tapfonflam's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tapfonflam first in all things.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Worship no other gods but Tapfonflam.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.