Tettiyarttan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, fast badger.

Tettiyarttan created the Andromeda Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiyarttan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tettiyarttan, he will think nothing of it.

Tettiyarttan's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tettiyarttan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.