Jamparkced is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, competent bird.

Jamparkced created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamparkced, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jamparkced, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Jamparkced's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Jamparkced's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Erect four carbon sculptures of Jamparkced on top of important buildings.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.