Lopwothog is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy seal.

Lopwothog created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Lopwothog, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lopwothog, he will cry a lot.

Lopwothog's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Lopwothog's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into purple rooms.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never sit near shrews.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Lopwothog must be the most important thing in your life.