Japsugnur is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unselfish human.

Japsugnur created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Japsugnur, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Japsugnur, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Japsugnur's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Japsugnur's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Japsugnur.

3. Never wear green jumpers.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Japsugnur.