Poncemjin Stragspag is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, selfish lion.

Poncemjin Stragspag created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Poncemjin Stragspag, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Poncemjin Stragspag, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Poncemjin Stragspag's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Poncemjin Stragspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Poncemjin Stragspag on top of all buildings.

4. Never run near ducks.

5. Do not take Poncemjin Stragspag's name in vain.